She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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