Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
