Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
