Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
