I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
