OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
