so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
