ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
