Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
