i just google imaged poop.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
