I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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