I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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