Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
