dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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