he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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