Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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