i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
