Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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