Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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