Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
