Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
