Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
only you would photoshop your dick
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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