I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
