I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
