why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize