Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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