i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
