I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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