Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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