i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
