I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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