I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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