Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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