just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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