LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Randomize
