Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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