I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
