i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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