Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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