wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
