They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
