It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
