Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
