Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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