i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
