doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
