You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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