you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i came on her dog
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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