Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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