Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
