I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
