When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The power of my boobs compel you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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