Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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