I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
