maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
