I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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