girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
