My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
