I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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