So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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