Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
