Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize