I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
