Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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