Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
