we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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