But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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