I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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